the winter playlist

it might only be October, but i’ve perfected a good start for my winter playlist. all tracks remind me of the cold months, without being cliche. mostly memories, slow tempo, snowy nights, and sad piano inspired the track selection. enjoy.

1. Black Moth Super Rainbow “Smog in Cities”
2. Band of Horses  ”Snow Song (acoustic)”
3. The Bees “The Sky Holds The Sun”
4. Metric “London Half Life”
5. VHS or Beta “Dynamize”
6. Sage Francis “Broken Wings”
7. Cold War Kids “Hospital Beds”
8. Modest Mouse “Heart Cooks Brain”
9. Jay Z “Dead Presidents”
10. Tapes n’ Tapes “Omaha”
11. The Arcade Fire “Cars and Telephones”
12. The Rosebuds “Make Out Song”
13. Okkervil River “Get Big”
14. The Rosebuds “Silja Line (On Settling For a Normal Life)”
15. Stars “The Big Fight”
16. Why? “Yo Yo Bye Bye”
17. Wolf Parade “Dinner Bells”
18. Yo La Tengo “You Can Have It All”
19. Kanye West “Home”
20. Lil Wayne “Shoot Me Down”

it’s october.

i feel like my life is a constant monotony. i don’t even know if i am using that word right. but, everything’s the same. i feel like i meet new people, and have a new job, but my life outside of work is the same, if not lonelier. i’m generally drained and pass out on the rare occasion i do have a night off. after being exhausted for 4 months now (and learning to cope), i decided to quit one of my jobs today. it was a very amicable split, a first for me aside from Bayard’s and life-guarding at the pool (i’m known to be a runaway employee, or at least exiting with some grief). although i didn’t really need a pro’s and con’s list to decide which job to leave, i made one anyway. it may have been a pointless act, but made me feel less guilty about leaving the job i’ve had for almost a year.

now i’m sick, and have watched every episode of a day-long Bravo Flipping Out With Jeff Lewis marathon, infused with orange juice, online shopping (BeautyTicket.com! discounted items by Smashbox, Stila, Benefit, Pop, etc.) and irish potato soup.

happy birthday, Heaney.

i used to have every episode of The Office and It’s Always Sunny on my external, but as of today i do not. lost with the beloved episodes are a few movies, including but not limited to The Notebook. i don’t know where the files went but have accepted that they are gone. god forbid i ever want to watch The Office Season One Episode 5, what will i do?

i have a long list of things to do today, but it’s cloudy, and i am not feeling motivated.

EDIT: it’s funny to read old posts, and things that happened, and what has changed since then. the line “and i’ve been wanting to make phone calls i definitely shouldn’t make” from a July entry is particularly disturbing. i made that phone call; i really wish i didn’t.

i am so over it

after a summer-long downward spiral, September is finally here. i can’t pinpoint exactly when and where the madness began. maybe it was when i told my parents i failed 2 classes. maybe it was when i stopped taking my medicine. it could have been the lame, dead end summer jobs, the friends you met that were never worth your time, the guy that hit you in the face after the fireworks, the kid you liked with busted teeth, ambushed family gatherings, living in your brother’s old room, disappointing everyone. 

i feel like that Daria episode-mini movie, “Is It Fall Yet?”

paint it black

my white neighbor (Age: 19) used to be a wigger, but now he blast Papa Roach out the car his Grandmom bought him. i wonder what changed his mind. 

my life is in an idle state right now; i’ll be back when things get interesting.

i know your best was still your worst, when Hollywood was calling out your name

it has certainly been a while. my dad let me use my Mac for “school”. i felt slighted without it. 

Sasha is napping on the landing waiting for me to go to bed. ever since i started staying in “her” bed (aka Steven’s old bedroom), she thinks we are bed buddies, and now waits for me downstairs til i stumble in the door at night. it’s kind of gay but i don’t mind the company. 

work has turned me into a monster. i’m hopeless.

i’m always strapped.

i haven’t written anything in a while. mostly because i don’t have a computer. i’ve tried to write at friends’, but it’s hard to be candid with an audience.

some peoples’ charcter has been questioned lately; it makes me feel uneasy. and i’ve been wanting to make phone calls i definitely shouldn’t make.

this weekend has been full of damage control. it’s weird how everything goes wrong at once. i’m probably just delusional. 

lately i’ve been feeling the urge to call S* again. i see his dad on a billboard at least once a week, and Kristen recently asked if we still talk; unfortunately i had to tell her he hates my guts. i tried calling once or twice but he didn’t seem like he was trying to talk. it makes me sad, we spent a lot of time together. it’s weird how you have these pesty boys that are the nicest to you and are always trying to chill, but you don’t really notice or care til they’re gone. i remember laughing one day when Lauren told me that while i was out of the room, S* hastily asked if i ever mentioned liking him. it’s not that he’s a bad guy, i guess i just wasn’t interested. i’m no fox but sometimes find myself in the situation of being over-liked by guys that i just consider good friends. it’s kind of my fault, i’m a bit of a flirt. it eventually gets frustrating and they write me off via a sassy text message.

for the time being i’m just going to lay low.

buzz so big i could probably sell a blank disc

i want to write so bad but just can’t.

B* is either dead or in jail. my brother is in Guam. Lauren’s in Pittsburgh. i’m still here.

tuesdays : \

work is dragging by. Chris and i realized today what a fabulous relationship we’ve developed over the past couple months. we used to bicker non stop and occasionally lock the other in the bathroom, but that’s all changed now. 

in other news…