okay i get it, let me think, i guess it’s my turn.

i keep waiting for life to ease up, but it’s not bad to begin with. i thought my life would be perfect after finals, after i finished Christmas shopping, after Christmas was over. it is December 27th, and now i’m thinking maybe it’ll ease up after New Year’s.

instead of wishing for more, i’ll try to be content with what i have. it’s been a rough year but i made it out with barely a scratch. my brother’s engaged and his fiance’s over-sized solitaire reminds me that i might not find someone i really like for a few years. for now i’ll learn to accept and maybe appreciate the shameless dudes who are solely DTF, and on the contrary, the gentlemen that couldn’t hold my attention if they were on fire.

in the meantime i have the middle aged regulars that brighten my day (and sometimes soothe my ego) with their blunt comments and occasionally too-long hugs. it’s nice to hear “you’re so beautiful!” from someone who’s not your mom, even if they are 50, married, and on their fourth or fifth Coors Light pint.

PS- this is not to be mistaken as an admittance of desperation. i got my own.

not today

“When you take revenge on somebody, you are actually paying them the highest compliment possible. It’s like saying, “You’ve affected my life to such an extent that I must reciprocate. I must affect your life as deeply as you have mine”. Revenge may be the ultimate Hallmark card.”

alone again, or..

for a less dramatic entry, a list of my “likes” at the moment; i might start doing this regularly, is that vain of me?

• We Were Once a Fairytale short film by Spike Jonze, starring Kanye West. it’s genius, all over the webz, and only 11 minutes long, so you have no excuse not to look. especially check this out if you are a fan of Kanye’s “Flashing Lights” video, which was also directed by Spike Jonze.
• sparkly clothes
• beer stores on the corner and extended drives on Broad St.
• my mom’s in Disney world; party in my room<3
• Urban Decay Book of Shadows Volume II; best birthday present ever
• public speaking. A+.
• cheap threads at Forever 21 & Thrift
• to-do lists

misunderstood

i have no time for fair-weather friends..

i’m not a bad person, but i do what i do, and you do what you can do about it.

i’ll be coming home.

since turning 22, i’ve definitely reflected on the past year. sure, i would take back a few things, but hindsight vision is 20/20. i got punched in the face twice; i think i only deserved it the first time. i got my tonsils out and survived. i went to California and cheated with a well dressed west coast boy. i cried a lot afterward. my neighbor’s house burned down on Christmas. my brother called me long distance from exotic places. i cried everyday during the summer, and still don’t know why. i put myself up for rejection; i started drama; i kissed people i shouldn’t have kissed. i was slighted, harassed, accused, broken hearted, but made it.

pop the glock

i went to a gay club last night; i was the only girl at a gay, flag football team party. first off, let me point out my friends never confirmed this was a gay flag football team. they always said they had a feeling, or thought maybe it was, but declined to tell me one of their team names’ was “The Sparkle Motion”. i felt out of place for a minute, mostly being surrounded by attractive males that weren’t interested in the H&M dress i was so excited to wear, although a very nice gay man said “you know when sometimes a dress wears the girl?? well you’re DEFINITELY wearing that dress!”. i meekly thanked him before stumbling off into the night, partly because i was drunk and partly because i was wearing heels on the cobble stone streets of Philadelphia’s gayberhood. i don’t remember having too much fun til Tank and i started on our second round and looked for the unisex bathroom. i smoked cigarettes and watched karaoke while Tank was chatted up by a 40+ guy from Miami. he told Tank he was disappointed he was no gay, because he thought he was cute.

to be continued..

a fairy with broken wings

i found this on my hard-drive with no date; using context clues i’ll say it’s from August of 2007. The conclusion is not very conclusive, but i think it’s interesting none-the-less. i deleted my myspace without saving the 50+ blogs i’d written documenting my life from 16 til 21. i wrote about crisis centers, close calls with police officers, lost boys, fist fights, and starting college. i lost all of that, but still have this:

Untitled

i walked to the train today in the rain, no umbrella, and in the grocery bag i was carrying (paper and plastic) was a bong, a few DVDs, and some paperwork. I decided to start moving things home from my apartment at 1346 Chestnut Street. Well, my dorm room, really. Dorm-apartment you could say, which always threw people off. People from home would ask about my apartment, how they wanted to see it, how they wanted to come party. But little do they know it was just a dorm room with a kitchen and a bathroom. I could only sign in 3 guests at one time, alcohol was not permitted, and there was an RA if you were too rowdy. it wasn’t that free, really.

its raining and my nose is running, but i just got off the phone with you and im so warm inside i swear it feels like..

the monsters are under my bed again

“Stéphane Miroux Kristin Parente is a young woman whose vivid dreams and imagination often interfere with her ability to interact with reality”

to be continued : \

the winter playlist

it might only be October, but i’ve perfected a good start for my winter playlist. all tracks remind me of the cold months, without being cliche. mostly memories, slow tempo, snowy nights, and sad piano inspired the track selection. enjoy.

1. Black Moth Super Rainbow “Smog in Cities”
2. Band of Horses  ”Snow Song (acoustic)”
3. The Bees “The Sky Holds The Sun”
4. Metric “London Half Life”
5. VHS or Beta “Dynamize”
6. Sage Francis “Broken Wings”
7. Cold War Kids “Hospital Beds”
8. Modest Mouse “Heart Cooks Brain”
9. Jay Z “Dead Presidents”
10. Tapes n’ Tapes “Omaha”
11. The Arcade Fire “Cars and Telephones”
12. The Rosebuds “Make Out Song”
13. Okkervil River “Get Big”
14. The Rosebuds “Silja Line (On Settling For a Normal Life)”
15. Stars “The Big Fight”
16. Why? “Yo Yo Bye Bye”
17. Wolf Parade “Dinner Bells”
18. Yo La Tengo “You Can Have It All”
19. Kanye West “Home”
20. Lil Wayne “Shoot Me Down”

it’s october.

i feel like my life is a constant monotony. i don’t even know if i am using that word right. but, everything’s the same. i feel like i meet new people, and have a new job, but my life outside of work is the same, if not lonelier. i’m generally drained and pass out on the rare occasion i do have a night off. after being exhausted for 4 months now (and learning to cope), i decided to quit one of my jobs today. it was a very amicable split, a first for me aside from Bayard’s and life-guarding at the pool (i’m known to be a runaway employee, or at least exiting with some grief). although i didn’t really need a pro’s and con’s list to decide which job to leave, i made one anyway. it may have been a pointless act, but made me feel less guilty about leaving the job i’ve had for almost a year.

now i’m sick, and have watched every episode of a day-long Bravo Flipping Out With Jeff Lewis marathon, infused with orange juice, online shopping (BeautyTicket.com! discounted items by Smashbox, Stila, Benefit, Pop, etc.) and irish potato soup.